Ok, it wasn’t quite the completely natural, intervention-free birth-experience that I was dreaming of. But I have no major regrets and I think I did fine overall.
On Sunday the BH contractions increased and intensified during the day. Around 10pm is when the labor started – the contractions became painful, lasting 1 minute and 5 minutes apart.
The excitement didn’t last too long, because I started to focus on coping w/ the contractions. I took a shower, a bath, I had my nanny most of the night w/ me and she applied back counter pressure, which helped a lot, I tried the cold compresses and the lavender and neroli aromatherapy oils. I don’t know how much they helped. The contractions had the same pattern, they were just more and more painful, but still 5 minutes apart and 1 minute long. And it was like this until close to the end.
Throughout the night I was very nauseous, I vomited a lot, and I emptied my intestines. I tried to keep hydrated but every time I drank water I would throw up. In the morning I was exhausted and I wanted to know where I was. So I took my husband and went to the hospital even though the midwife told me that most likely it was too early. And she was right, I was 1-2cm. We left, took a long walk interrupted often by painful contractions. And got back home.
Continued the day in the same manner, showers, baths, contractions, counter pressure, compresses, and I became increasingly loud. I tried to relax w/ a glass of wine, but it didn’t work. At that time I wrote the email to the ICAN list and I got lots of encouragement and support.
Towards the evening I waited for my daughter to fall asleep and after that I and my husband left to the hospital. Got there around 10:30pm. I had to wait for a room for more than 3 hours and during all this time I was walking and making noises and my husband was massaging my back. Finally in, I was all set up with those “nice” monitors on me (didn’t bother me that much), water, compresses, birthing ball, rocking chair, midwife and husband providing support.
So around 1:30am I was at 3-4cm, after more than 27 hours of labor. Pretty discouraged and a bit desperate, I agreed to an enema, to speed up things. That was really awful, having contractions, emptying bowels and throwing up at the same time… Around 3am I felt I was loosing it so I asked for a shot of Demerol, which helped me sleep for an hour. Woke up, started dealing w/ contractions again. Than the morning came and the contractions slowed down in intensity and became a bit further apart. I started to lose hope. I’m pretty sure this change happened because of the transition from dark to light. I don’t know, that’s what I felt.
So my husband said let’s go for a walk. And we went for a 45 minute walk and the contractions intensified again to were they were before. Came back, around 9am the midwife checked me and I was at 6cm. She decided to break my water, which she did (I could not make decisions anymore at that time…). Right after that I went to the bathroom and I bled a lot. Than I came back and during another contraction I bled a lot again. Lots of blood on the floor and the people around me got a bit scared. The midwife got out of the room, than came back, put some pads on me – they wanted to check how much blood I was losing. My husband heard some talks and later on told me that things were kind of prepared for a c/s for me. I have to say, I was terribly afraid at this point, and extremely exhausted. I asked for a walking epidural. My husband tried to talk me out of it, but I couldn’t be convinced. So I got the epidural, which worked a little only on my left side. So from then on I felt pressure on the left side and the pain on my right side.
It was around 11am. And I was still around 6-7. Then the midwife emptied my bladder and she took more that 2 pounds of urine out of there – weird, since I was using the bathroom very often and didn’t have an IV. Anyway, that really speeded things up. While I was yelling that I need my epidural on my right side too (oh God, I’m so ashamed), I fully dilated in like 30 minutes.
From around 12:30 I started pushing and that was when I put all my strength into it and I really did a good job. I had a mirror between my legs all the time and I was seeing her head coming out, it was so emotional. Those 2 hours of pushing seem surreal. Until her head was completely out I still didn’t believe I could do it. But there it was, her little head out and then I pushed again and reached for her, grabbed her into my arms onto my chest. And cried…
The placenta came out soon after that. I had a 1st degree tear which doesn’t bother me at all.
Conclusions:
I approached this birth trying to be prepared for a failure too. I had confidence but since I wasn’t a “regular” VBAC, but had 2 different scars on my uterus and one of them surrounded by a lot of incertitude, I didn’t fully trust my body. I was terribly afraid of a UR, that’s why I didn’t feel really comfortable to labor at home.
I think that because I was very afraid of the process, I was more likely to slow it down. Or maybe my body just needed to labor in a more gentle way, I don’t know. But I think that fear intensifies pain. I wasn’t able to give in, to embrace the pain, to relax. I was a lot more tense than I wanted to. But I still did well. That’s what I think.
If I’ll ever have another birth I think I’ll be a lot more relaxed and I’ll be able to work with my body a lot better because I won’t be afraid anymore. I proved that I could do it!
The recovery is a breeze and plus, I’m over the moon, I’m so happy and my baby is amazing, she’s such a wonderful baby.
Most important, I feel fulfilled as a woman. This is what I’ve been dreaming of. This amazing feeling that I’m a complete woman. It’s just wonderful…
~ Maria's Birth Story ~
October 17th, 2004
7:30 am- My water broke. I got up to pee and suddenly thought I was peeing on myself. I peed and then it just kept coming down and I knew this was it. I called my grandmother to let her know that my water had broken. I then tried to call my Obstetrician, Dr. Drosinos, but no one ever got back to me after I paged the On-call doctor twice. I didn’t know what was going on. I called my mom. She came and picked up me and Chris. We walked out of my mother in laws apartment with a suitcase, a birthing ball that was fully blown and some other things. By now it was 9:30am.
We got to Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center and we were there by 10:00am. I was triaged pretty much right away since I was leaking everywhere. I was put on a monitor for 30 minutes and was told that I was having sporadic contractions by the resident. Well Duh, I knew that. I can feel them! The resident then checked me and I was 3 centimeters dilated, 80% effaced and she said my water had definitely broken. I was going to be admitted and I thought YAY! We’re going to have a baby today!
I was given a room in Labor and Delivery and Dr. Patrick came in and introduced herself. She came in and checked me once I was settled in and confirmed that I was at 3 centimeters, but she was not happy that my contractions were not regular and said to me “We have to put you on Pitocin now”. I began to argue with her, “there’s nothing else that can be done? Cervadil? Nipple Stimulation? Nothing?” I thought she was insane. I asked her to call Dr. Drosinos. I didn’t want this. She came back saying that Sophie was not answering her phone. I was sure something else can be done before Pitocin. I refused the pitocin at first and she said to me that either I went on Pitocin or I am risking the lives of both me and my baby, since there is a risk of infection with ruptured membranes. So after talking with my mom and grandmother, I opted for the Pitocin.
Here I was, 6 hours into having been put on Pitocin and Dr. Patrick comes back. She decided to check me again and I was at 6 centimeters and completely effaced. She then said to me, “I don’t like your progress on the pitocin and I think we might have to do a cesarean if this continues.” Then Dr. Patrick said “ I believe you should get an epidural. You will feel more comfortable and if a cesarean becomes necessary, you will be able to see the birth of your baby. I also feel that the epidural will help you tolerate these contractions better so that you can be able to dilate quicker.” So I asked Dr. Patrick, “What are my other choices?” And she said, well, if you don’t dilate, then we will have to do a cesarean under general anesthesia.” I tried to argue with her even more and she said to me, “I’m the doctor, you’re the patient, so we are going to do what I want to do”. So at the time, I thought, Wow, I don’t want that! So I got the epidural.
I made sure that the Attending Anesthesiologist was the one who did my epidural. I have back problems as it is, and didn’t want any residents screwing with my spine. After the epidural, Dr. Patrick comes back in, and says to me, “Look how happy you look now!” and then says to the nurse and my family, Isn’t she so happy?”. I just rolled my eyes at her and made a fake smile. I could still feel the pressure of the contractions, but not the pain at this point. She also insisted that since we were not getting a good reading on the fetal monitor and now I’m in bed anyway, we should put it in Internal Fetal Monitor on my baby’s head.
A couple of hours went by, and it was now like 8pm. Dr. Patrick came in and checked me again and I was 7 centimeters. She said “We might have to do a cesarean if this continues, we will increase the pitocin now.” I was starting to get mad. I didn’t want this. Dr. Patrick instructed the nurse to increase the pitocin every 30 minutes and that she will be back to check me in an hour. She came back an hour later and said I was at 7-8 centimeters. Dr. Patrick then said to me, “It looks like we are going to have to do a cesarean because you’re not progressing fast enough and it‘s been too many hours since your water broke.” I said to her “NO, I am NOT having a c-section! It hasn’t even been 24 hours since my water broke! I want more time!” So after arguing with her for about 10 minutes, she finally said, “Ok, as long as the baby looks ok, we will let you continue to labor.” She then told the nurse to increase the pitocin again.
About 10 pm, my daughter’s heart rate began to fluctuate during a contraction, so then they lowered the pitocin. A bunch of doctors and nurses came running in and Dr. Patrick told the nurse to decrease the pitocin and see if that works, of course this was after having another argument with me. This happened two more times after the pitocin was decreased once. Dr. Patrick then said to me that my baby was under distress, and since I’m “Failing to Progress” and due to “Fetal Distress” we were now going to do a cesarean. I said to her, I do not want a cesarean, I am scared. I started crying. She kept insisting that this would be the best thing for and my baby. I didn’t trust her at this point.
I did not believe her. I went into the Operating Room in Tears. Here I was shaking, cold in this unfamiliar place. Kristyna was born at 11:06pm on October 17th, 2004. She weighed 5lbs 12 oz and was 18.5 inches long! It was less than 24 hours since my water broke, and to this day I feel that I was butchered. I am pregnant with my second child and I’m now seeing midwife and strongly considering to have a homebirth after a c-section. I cannot see myself giving birth in a hospital and having everything go downhill. I strongly feel that Dr. Sharon Patrick has taken something away from me. I can’t seem to completely explain it. To me, Dr. Patrick, is Dr. Knife. Since this has happened to me, I now tell women to make sure they are fully informed before going into labor and to look at their choices in childbirth. Ask around about your Obstetrician and the doctors that go on call for your obstetrician. That was a mistake I made. I didn’t know that Dr. Patrick went on call for Dr. Drosinos. I know that Dr. Drosinos would have let me have my natural birth and let labor go on it’s own without forcing the knife on me. No one should have to be forced into a cesarean unless it’s absolutely necessary, not cause you have been in labor for X amount of hours and now the doctor wants to go home. Birth is a natural process.